desire, punishment, pleasure

I am late and terribly excited about seeing her again. I am so eager to get her upstairs to my apartment where I can touch her, feel her hands on my body and her lips on mine. I want to devour her right now, drown in her.

She is sitting on the couch in the lobby and I light when I see her. I apologize for being late but can see she needs more than that. I try to explain and tell her that I didn’t even get all my errands done. She is having none of my weary explanations. She wants to know that it won’t happen again. She is hurt. Can’t she see that she is who I’ve been anxious to see ALL day?

I am getting snarky in my answers as I lay on the floor like a tease while she sits on my couch with that brooding face.

I tell her that even Laura missed her ballet class because the game went so long. That is enough. She comes at me on the floor. Holding me down. I feel her hand slap me and then she sits back on the couch.

My arm is hurt from the force that she used to hold me down. I pick up my glasses which were sent flying from my face and get up and tell her that I’m sorry and to calm down. I need her to be able to calm herself. I want her to so that she can direct her anger in a more controlled way. I want her hands on me. Controlled. The slap shocked me but if she could tell me to bend over now and spank me until she felt her anger leave her, I would be putty after that. I can’t bring myself to tell her. I’m afraid.

She wants to get out and have a date with me. Let’s go to a movie. I look up the times and head out. We go for WHIP IT. Perhaps that will suit us with our feelings in such high gear right now. The on-line movie times are wrong. Not at this theater at 7:30. Let’s find another one. Park Slope. It works. I get the tix and popcorn and we settle in. We banter. The movie is fun and sexy. I fall into her. Lean on her shoulder and hold her arm. When the lights come up, she tells me she is hungry and maybe it’s the food fight scene but she wants a cheeseburger. "What kind I ask?" The greasy slider kind or the big beefy juicy kind with pink juice running down your arms? She wants the MEAT. I take her to this burger joint I love called Bonnie’s Grill and we wait for stools at the counter and both order cheeseburgers even though I’m not really hungry. I will gladly eat it now and regret later. She can't finish hers but I am determined to eat all of mine and I do. I feel so full. My belly. My heart.

My belly is too full to do all the nasty things I want to do. I suggest we just lie down and let things settle. She sits on the couch, I put on music and she strokes my head and we talk a bit but I am just at ease now and want to curl up in her arms.

I make the bed up and get ready. Slip into a camisole. I want to wake up with her looking at me with hungry eyes.

I wake through the night, touching, kissing and feeling full. I touch her softly and she touches me. It must be early morning now and I feel her hand on my ass, slowly moving in circles. I am grinding the mattress now and she begins tapping my
cheeks with the palm of her hand so softly you would not know the suggestion of a spanking if you weren’t looking for it, but I was looking for it. I wanted it. Needed it. Had been craving it all night. The tap tap gets a bit stronger but still so sensual, so soft that it is nothing but erotic, teasing. My sex moistens so much I can feel the sheet now damp beneath me. She lifts her hand slightly higher and slaps me just that much harder but still not enough to raise the colour from my cheeks. I must start groaning because now I hear the smack and want more intensity and I am rewarded as I feel the palm of her hand get hotter. I want to
touch myself but refrain because I know this is her show. The intensity gathers but she never raises her hand that high or hits me so hard that my breath is taken. It is sensual enough to be sweet and stern enough for me to know my place.

She reaches between my legs touches my clit with the tips of her fingers and I am awash in her hand. Her fingers fly across my lips and clit faster and faster and I pant and moan and I raise my ass higher and writhe and squirm. She is on top. She has control. She tells me to cum for her and I think of nothing but her hand on
me, her fingers making me swell and splosh until I feel that tightening in my center, my legs numb, the blood rush to my sex and my brain releases all thought and I cry out loud. I am spent. I so want to please her now with all my heart. I touch her slowly. She is relaxed and proud of pleasing her girl. She should be
deeply rewarded many times over. I touch her nipples and kiss her softly. Her sex is beyond damp. It is almost throbbing and I know if she stays relaxed in this moment, she will cum in my hand easily. I whisper to her how wonderful her touch is while I caress her sex, circling the hole and fingering her knob until I feel it completely swell and she makes the most subtle of groans to tell me that this is right. I whisper how much I need her discipline and her touch, how completely hard I get in her hands. I want her to cum because she deserves this pleasure and I want to give it, whenever she asks me for it, whenever she wants to give it to me.

dueling dreams

I look at the pictures and recall our more intimate moments. I recall the cane splintering on my backside. I recall binding your hands and feet and your disappointment every time I untied you.

I see my pants around my ankles, bending over the saddle at the sex club, my hands in cuffs and J's belt sending my brain running and my high begins. You, making me your boi bitch in the club, with my boy shorts stuffed in my mouth, my ankles bound and my legs hoisted and tied to the pipes above us, your hands punishing me until I frank.

J in the shower, taking me from behind, and I'm holding onto the bar so that I don't fall and her arm is wrapped tight around my waist, holding me and with her other hand, she opens my vulva, grabs my clit and I am cumming.

J bound to my frame, spread eagle, and her sex is pouty and pretty. She strains against the ropes, sending her silent signal to tighten them. Her full honey colored breasts shine and the nipple rings beckon me to play. I ride her vulva with mine and we kiss. I touch her entire body, stopping at each place that calls me to fuck. I ride her hips, and suck her lips and fill her ass deeply and she calls for more. Thoughts of big red fill me suddenly and I see you pushing him in my ass in the mirror.

I put on my corset today and thought about our shopping excursion that hot day in July. Then I see the image of it torn up in the garbage and it hits me. I put on my leather vest and breathe deeply.

caning virgin

You tell me you've never done this before. Yet when I turn my head to look at you, I see you wielding the cold metal tip of the cane, using it to position me where you want me, to turn around and keep my ass up toward your hands. I feel taken and yet still in control.

Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. It gets faster and then the force of the cane bears down on my cheeks. It stings and thuds all at once and I flinch lowering my ass down and squeezing my buttocks inward, and then I feel a more forceful stroke and I almost frank but you let me recover and I lift my ass back up toward you.

You prepare me for more and stroke my back with the tip of the cane. You switch instruments and I feel the brush of your mini whip/crop. The fronds of leather on my back being slowly drawn down the length of me are enough to make my sex completely wet. The sting of the whip awakens me. My head is here, now. Nothing else enters. I breathe in the whipping. You stop momentarily and then I feel it again, the tap, tap, tap and the sound is pushing my edges. I hold my position and brace for the next strokes of the stiff cane and I am rewarded in my knowledge.

play parties....to sex or not to sex

ok, I get enjoying bdsm without sex because it's fun, it's edgy, it serves a variety of needs for each of us, and one of mine is carthartic emotional release but for whatever reason, playing at a party gets me charged up and increases my sexual desire.

Recently, I played at several parties with two very different partners. One, does not want to mix the sex with our scenes. One, can't even imagine being bound without being fucked at some point.

I am not a sadist. I like to top, especially when practicing bondage but it's not the most natural state of my being. I wouldn't exactly call myself a bottom either but I do find myself in bottom head space if I find the right partner, and yes, I confess, it more than satisfies. Yet what I've found as a top is that I like to inflict a good measure of both painful sensations and sensual touching. I like seeing a young woman's skin raised with welts and hear her moans and whimpers. I like to see her hand raised to signal that I need to ease up. I more than like it. It makes me wet and hard. In the latest play session I had, I wanted to fuck as soon as I saw the markings of the cane start to raise on her ass. I had to stop the beating before it got really going and my bottom was disappointed. I don't like to disappoint. That is truly my basic desire...I want to be the cream in her coffee, the top of the rock. Does that make me a service top? Does it make more of a bottom?

My favorite play partner can't play any more. She is in a relationship now and she thinks it would be "cheating" to play now. When I suggested that I was sad and missed our bondage sessions, seeing the supple white rope against her skin, and that it didn't have to end in fucking, she said, "I just don't think that would work for me. I wouldn't be able to resist the urge to fuck." I understand. I don't think I disappointed her much but now I am the one who finds herself wanting more.

direction

I don't know how a simple hot tubby ends up becoming three hours of smoothing, touching, grooming, washing, talking, massaging, but it does. The care of each other bonds and creates intimacy. The private boundaries fall away. My feet are in her hands and my head follows. I feel guided. Warm, soft, strong hands washing, massaging, caressing. I am sinking into this warmth and held in her strength. Her natural talents. Leading. Directing.

Her honey skin beckons. The light in her eye calls for playtime. "So what did you buy?" A simple leading question. The hosiery. The thigh high silky stockings with lace trim are chosen. She helps me fasten the corset and I put on the hosiery. She makes some adjustments and asks me to turn in the universal sign language for turn around. I stand and obey and feel naughty and slutty. Where is the boy inside me? Fleeing fast. I revel now in my girlyness. I confess I didn't pack my heels and she is up and comes back with boots, stiletto heels. She zips them up and I love how they feel. I strut and she chides slightly, "you are not getting any tips dancing like that." I work a bit harder.

I am just getting into the dance and she asks me to bring one item from the umbrella stand. I bring three. I want ALL OF THEM. The cane with its silver tips, a strong birch for the punishment and those cold tips against my warmed skin. I want the crop with its mini flogger that stings and tingles. I want the new boar bristled hairbrush while I am over her knee, intimate and close.

"Choose one." I opt for the crop. "Bend over." I move forward slightly from where she is sitting on the couch and bend down, reaching for my ankles, my legs slightly spread. She pushes me forward slightly and I stretch further down my legs...holding the soft suede leather of these boots and feeling how difficult it will become to hold this position once the crop starts to burn. The crop strikes once and I cry out mostly from the edge of anticipation. She strikes me again in succession a few times and I feel the sting. She touches my ass. I look back and she directs my face forward with the tip of the crop. I think she strikes me hard twice and then again in succession just slightly softer three or four times. I teeter slightly as my knees quiver. I feel her power and my sex starts to moisten. She positions the small square ottoman in front of me and leans me over it. "Show me your ass," she says and I happily lift it, climbing onto 16 inch square like a circus act. I am praised. "That's it. Nice." Her voice is starting to drop and I know she is aroused.

Downward strokes in succession feel as if my skin is burning. Hard stinging strokes to my hips, upper buttocks bring heated cries. She lets me breathe. Reminds me to lift my ass to her. My hips rise as she meets it with more stinging blows. My head sinks down and I raise my cheeks higher to meet her. Each pause raises my threshold as the endorphins start to rise. I want her touch too. I want to feel the heat of my wounds on her hands. She hesitates to strike and strokes my skin slowly with the tendrils of the crop. I tingle and twitch. My sex is moist. "Say yes." I do. I want more. Stroke me. Hard stinging blows. One.....pause...two, three, four...five, six....seven and I beg for relief, pounding the sides of that ridicuously small piece of furniture that I am balanced upon. I will not frank. "johnny" escapes my lips almost breathless and she does not let up. There is the slightest pause as if she heard me and then two quick hard strike against my cheeks. I feel her cock now between my legs and one slight push and she is in. I move back toward her and she holds me still, fucking my sex hard, pounding at once. The slap slap slap and I am writhing. My sex swells even further and I want it all. I want the crop again and her cock and I want to touch her honey skin. My head is swimming. I feel the rush and I put my hands against the floor to hold my body up while she pushes into me harder and harder. My legs start to feel the pressure and my knee gives out and I beg to turn over. She guides my head to her cock and I swoon. Greedy pig wraps her mouth around the dildo and slides down the shaft. The push from my mistress into my mouth again and again and I gasp. I take her in my hands and slurp down sucking. I lay back on the ottoman and she stands over my mouth, guiding her cock into my mouth, deep, deeper, gasping now. Again. Again. Now my legs are spread and she plunges again. I buck and then she flips me and I ride her bouncing with the tips of toes tapping the floor and then she is pushing me up and down....I clench my cunt and feel her movements. I think I'm ready to cum and she flips me again. "Show me your ass," is all she has to say and I get into position, on my knees, shoulders low, and my hands down, ready to be fucked. My sex is dripping and I think I'm going to squirt when I do cum. She hands me the vibrator and in two minutes I'm pulsing, throbbing, and then more splooshing and I want more and as she yanks at my hair, grabs my hips, pulls at my tits, I feel the wave rise again and a surge of pulsating energy and I am throbbing, throbbing, throbbing, I keep going, pulsing, throbbing and I think this must end but I'm still open and then I feel my sex tighten, and the deep throbbing goes on and on. I am giggling and smiling and panting. I want her more now. I want her between my legs, in my mouth, under my skin.

The camera has captured us. I feel taken. Lead into my role.

piggy slut/monkey slut

I think about sex constantly. I believe I was born a gay man and ended up a lesbian.
I love women. I like men. I could have ended up a bisexual and still consider it.
I loved having sex with men (at least the fucking part). Sex with gay men was a thrill and easy. I never had to worry about complicated good-byes or them falling in love or me falling for them.

Sex now is more complicated but I still desire it just as much. I have oral herpes which sucks if you are a lesbian but it's not the end of the world. I still like to fuck like a monkey and get fucked like a little piggy.

I am weaving it all in. I chat online anonymously and have phone sex with men. I fuck myself and vibrate myself til I can't do it anymore. I have casual sex with women I date and I fall for one or two along the way. I want my heart to be full too.

About three years ago I started playing with rope. It all started when I saw a woman tied up on top of piano about five years ago. The image stayed with me. At the time, I didn't know if I wanted to do the tying for be tied, but I know now that I prefer to do the tying. It makes me feel powerful and sexy. I could just stop after the girl is bound and just look at her and masturbate and be happy. Yet, somehow, they all want to be fucked. I oblige (such hardship for me).

I want more too. I want rough hard sex, submissive humiliation and domination, I want to meet someone else who enjoys it as much as I do and share that feeling. It's hard to switch but surely there has to be another monkey pig like me.