Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Discipline
Discipline
As M.I. and I move toward a time when we live together under one roof, I look more and more toward domestic discipline as a model that I think would put our relationship in it's proper track so to speak.
I yearn for a firm dominant hand in my relationship and she is bent toward having control but her own fears and anxieties prevent her from acting at times or often acting in ways that push me away or make me feel less worthy rather than more cherished.
We are picking out paint and flooring and I want her to give me some choice but I know she has to be pleased as well. I want her to trust me to please her. But if I pick out something she does not like, I need her to let me know what it is that would make her happy.
In other areas of our deepening relationship I want her to be more commanding. If I don't respond appropriately, I want her discipline. Tell me how I should respond and punish me when I don't do as I should. When I say punish, I mean make me think about what it is that I should be doing to please you M.I. whether that is sitting silently or being turned over for a hard spanking or being sent to my room.
Think about what pleases you M.I, and tell me it's important that I do these things for you, whether it's wearing something you like, doing an errand for you, giving you a foot massage or back massage or neck massage, or getting up to feed the kitties and make coffee. Maybe it's something else. Let me know. I want to do it. Reward me then and punish me if I disregard, disrespect, disappoint.
Take me in hand and show me you cherish your submissive girl.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
desire, punishment, pleasure
I am late and terribly excited about seeing her again. I am so eager to get her upstairs to my apartment where I can touch her, feel her hands on my body and her lips on mine. I want to devour her right now, drown in her.
She is sitting on the couch in the lobby and I light when I see her. I apologize for being late but can see she needs more than that. I try to explain and tell her that I didn’t even get all my errands done. She is having none of my weary explanations. She wants to know that it won’t happen again. She is hurt. Can’t she see that she is who I’ve been anxious to see ALL day?
I am getting snarky in my answers as I lay on the floor like a tease while she sits on my couch with that brooding face.
I tell her that even Laura missed her ballet class because the game went so long. That is enough. She comes at me on the floor. Holding me down. I feel her hand slap me and then she sits back on the couch.
My arm is hurt from the force that she used to hold me down. I pick up my glasses which were sent flying from my face and get up and tell her that I’m sorry and to calm down. I need her to be able to calm herself. I want her to so that she can direct her anger in a more controlled way. I want her hands on me. Controlled. The slap shocked me but if she could tell me to bend over now and spank me until she felt her anger leave her, I would be putty after that. I can’t bring myself to tell her. I’m afraid.
She wants to get out and have a date with me. Let’s go to a movie. I look up the times and head out. We go for WHIP IT. Perhaps that will suit us with our feelings in such high gear right now. The on-line movie times are wrong. Not at this theater at 7:30. Let’s find another one. Park Slope. It works. I get the tix and popcorn and we settle in. We banter. The movie is fun and sexy. I fall into her. Lean on her shoulder and hold her arm. When the lights come up, she tells me she is hungry and maybe it’s the food fight scene but she wants a cheeseburger. "What kind I ask?" The greasy slider kind or the big beefy juicy kind with pink juice running down your arms? She wants the MEAT. I take her to this burger joint I love called Bonnie’s Grill and we wait for stools at the counter and both order cheeseburgers even though I’m not really hungry. I will gladly eat it now and regret later. She can't finish hers but I am determined to eat all of mine and I do. I feel so full. My belly. My heart.
My belly is too full to do all the nasty things I want to do. I suggest we just lie down and let things settle. She sits on the couch, I put on music and she strokes my head and we talk a bit but I am just at ease now and want to curl up in her arms.
I make the bed up and get ready. Slip into a camisole. I want to wake up with her looking at me with hungry eyes.
I wake through the night, touching, kissing and feeling full. I touch her softly and she touches me. It must be early morning now and I feel her hand on my ass, slowly moving in circles. I am grinding the mattress now and she begins tapping my
cheeks with the palm of her hand so softly you would not know the suggestion of a spanking if you weren’t looking for it, but I was looking for it. I wanted it. Needed it. Had been craving it all night. The tap tap gets a bit stronger but still so sensual, so soft that it is nothing but erotic, teasing. My sex moistens so much I can feel the sheet now damp beneath me. She lifts her hand slightly higher and slaps me just that much harder but still not enough to raise the colour from my cheeks. I must start groaning because now I hear the smack and want more intensity and I am rewarded as I feel the palm of her hand get hotter. I want to
touch myself but refrain because I know this is her show. The intensity gathers but she never raises her hand that high or hits me so hard that my breath is taken. It is sensual enough to be sweet and stern enough for me to know my place.
She reaches between my legs touches my clit with the tips of her fingers and I am awash in her hand. Her fingers fly across my lips and clit faster and faster and I pant and moan and I raise my ass higher and writhe and squirm. She is on top. She has control. She tells me to cum for her and I think of nothing but her hand on
me, her fingers making me swell and splosh until I feel that tightening in my center, my legs numb, the blood rush to my sex and my brain releases all thought and I cry out loud. I am spent. I so want to please her now with all my heart. I touch her slowly. She is relaxed and proud of pleasing her girl. She should be
deeply rewarded many times over. I touch her nipples and kiss her softly. Her sex is beyond damp. It is almost throbbing and I know if she stays relaxed in this moment, she will cum in my hand easily. I whisper to her how wonderful her touch is while I caress her sex, circling the hole and fingering her knob until I feel it completely swell and she makes the most subtle of groans to tell me that this is right. I whisper how much I need her discipline and her touch, how completely hard I get in her hands. I want her to cum because she deserves this pleasure and I want to give it, whenever she asks me for it, whenever she wants to give it to me.
She is sitting on the couch in the lobby and I light when I see her. I apologize for being late but can see she needs more than that. I try to explain and tell her that I didn’t even get all my errands done. She is having none of my weary explanations. She wants to know that it won’t happen again. She is hurt. Can’t she see that she is who I’ve been anxious to see ALL day?
I am getting snarky in my answers as I lay on the floor like a tease while she sits on my couch with that brooding face.
I tell her that even Laura missed her ballet class because the game went so long. That is enough. She comes at me on the floor. Holding me down. I feel her hand slap me and then she sits back on the couch.
My arm is hurt from the force that she used to hold me down. I pick up my glasses which were sent flying from my face and get up and tell her that I’m sorry and to calm down. I need her to be able to calm herself. I want her to so that she can direct her anger in a more controlled way. I want her hands on me. Controlled. The slap shocked me but if she could tell me to bend over now and spank me until she felt her anger leave her, I would be putty after that. I can’t bring myself to tell her. I’m afraid.
She wants to get out and have a date with me. Let’s go to a movie. I look up the times and head out. We go for WHIP IT. Perhaps that will suit us with our feelings in such high gear right now. The on-line movie times are wrong. Not at this theater at 7:30. Let’s find another one. Park Slope. It works. I get the tix and popcorn and we settle in. We banter. The movie is fun and sexy. I fall into her. Lean on her shoulder and hold her arm. When the lights come up, she tells me she is hungry and maybe it’s the food fight scene but she wants a cheeseburger. "What kind I ask?" The greasy slider kind or the big beefy juicy kind with pink juice running down your arms? She wants the MEAT. I take her to this burger joint I love called Bonnie’s Grill and we wait for stools at the counter and both order cheeseburgers even though I’m not really hungry. I will gladly eat it now and regret later. She can't finish hers but I am determined to eat all of mine and I do. I feel so full. My belly. My heart.
My belly is too full to do all the nasty things I want to do. I suggest we just lie down and let things settle. She sits on the couch, I put on music and she strokes my head and we talk a bit but I am just at ease now and want to curl up in her arms.
I make the bed up and get ready. Slip into a camisole. I want to wake up with her looking at me with hungry eyes.
I wake through the night, touching, kissing and feeling full. I touch her softly and she touches me. It must be early morning now and I feel her hand on my ass, slowly moving in circles. I am grinding the mattress now and she begins tapping my
cheeks with the palm of her hand so softly you would not know the suggestion of a spanking if you weren’t looking for it, but I was looking for it. I wanted it. Needed it. Had been craving it all night. The tap tap gets a bit stronger but still so sensual, so soft that it is nothing but erotic, teasing. My sex moistens so much I can feel the sheet now damp beneath me. She lifts her hand slightly higher and slaps me just that much harder but still not enough to raise the colour from my cheeks. I must start groaning because now I hear the smack and want more intensity and I am rewarded as I feel the palm of her hand get hotter. I want to
touch myself but refrain because I know this is her show. The intensity gathers but she never raises her hand that high or hits me so hard that my breath is taken. It is sensual enough to be sweet and stern enough for me to know my place.
She reaches between my legs touches my clit with the tips of her fingers and I am awash in her hand. Her fingers fly across my lips and clit faster and faster and I pant and moan and I raise my ass higher and writhe and squirm. She is on top. She has control. She tells me to cum for her and I think of nothing but her hand on
me, her fingers making me swell and splosh until I feel that tightening in my center, my legs numb, the blood rush to my sex and my brain releases all thought and I cry out loud. I am spent. I so want to please her now with all my heart. I touch her slowly. She is relaxed and proud of pleasing her girl. She should be
deeply rewarded many times over. I touch her nipples and kiss her softly. Her sex is beyond damp. It is almost throbbing and I know if she stays relaxed in this moment, she will cum in my hand easily. I whisper to her how wonderful her touch is while I caress her sex, circling the hole and fingering her knob until I feel it completely swell and she makes the most subtle of groans to tell me that this is right. I whisper how much I need her discipline and her touch, how completely hard I get in her hands. I want her to cum because she deserves this pleasure and I want to give it, whenever she asks me for it, whenever she wants to give it to me.
Monday, March 23, 2009
porn, the bookish kind
Last night, as one door closed, another door opened. My J came by to watch the light show from my couch (aka, the sunset) and get cozy, have a cocktail, soak in the tubby. Her skin makes me tingle. Her smile is my pleasure. She wasn't smiling enough. I want to make her heart light. Nothing came through, not even the orgasm in the tubby. I gave up and turned to the porn.
I have about 12 books. Victorian porn collected from old Victorian magazines and serials. Cheap, anonymously written porn (two of my favorites are in this category and both involve non-consexual sex), gay male porn, lesbian fluffer, and modern memoir porn along the lines of O but on different topics including pony play.
Things were so bad, that when I started reading the fluffer to her, she fell asleep. I gave up. I took my porn to bed and asked her if she would like to join me and proceeded. I found it was difficult, for the first time in years to actually get off while reading my favorite passages. I had to get out my dildo and fuck myself concentrating on the scene of Jenny getting whipped by her master's head mistress, Sadia, and then fucked by their master, the Lord of Kordofan, and then forced to pleasure Sadia as well. These passages used to be enough to make a wet spot on the sheets between my legs. I always preferred the book of porn to the video but I wonder if everything I've seen and done has jaded me just a little. Perhaps I was just expecting a similar response that MSR had given when I read these passages aloud to her.
I wanted J to touch me, kiss me, fondle me, squeeze my nipples, tug at them, fuck my wet hole.
Eventually, I did cum and the orgasm was very intense. So much so, that I almost wanted to go again like you would want to go the second time on a roller coaster. I suppose the power of the imagination still holds court if you launch it.
I have about 12 books. Victorian porn collected from old Victorian magazines and serials. Cheap, anonymously written porn (two of my favorites are in this category and both involve non-consexual sex), gay male porn, lesbian fluffer, and modern memoir porn along the lines of O but on different topics including pony play.
Things were so bad, that when I started reading the fluffer to her, she fell asleep. I gave up. I took my porn to bed and asked her if she would like to join me and proceeded. I found it was difficult, for the first time in years to actually get off while reading my favorite passages. I had to get out my dildo and fuck myself concentrating on the scene of Jenny getting whipped by her master's head mistress, Sadia, and then fucked by their master, the Lord of Kordofan, and then forced to pleasure Sadia as well. These passages used to be enough to make a wet spot on the sheets between my legs. I always preferred the book of porn to the video but I wonder if everything I've seen and done has jaded me just a little. Perhaps I was just expecting a similar response that MSR had given when I read these passages aloud to her.
I wanted J to touch me, kiss me, fondle me, squeeze my nipples, tug at them, fuck my wet hole.
Eventually, I did cum and the orgasm was very intense. So much so, that I almost wanted to go again like you would want to go the second time on a roller coaster. I suppose the power of the imagination still holds court if you launch it.
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