play parties....to sex or not to sex

ok, I get enjoying bdsm without sex because it's fun, it's edgy, it serves a variety of needs for each of us, and one of mine is carthartic emotional release but for whatever reason, playing at a party gets me charged up and increases my sexual desire.

Recently, I played at several parties with two very different partners. One, does not want to mix the sex with our scenes. One, can't even imagine being bound without being fucked at some point.

I am not a sadist. I like to top, especially when practicing bondage but it's not the most natural state of my being. I wouldn't exactly call myself a bottom either but I do find myself in bottom head space if I find the right partner, and yes, I confess, it more than satisfies. Yet what I've found as a top is that I like to inflict a good measure of both painful sensations and sensual touching. I like seeing a young woman's skin raised with welts and hear her moans and whimpers. I like to see her hand raised to signal that I need to ease up. I more than like it. It makes me wet and hard. In the latest play session I had, I wanted to fuck as soon as I saw the markings of the cane start to raise on her ass. I had to stop the beating before it got really going and my bottom was disappointed. I don't like to disappoint. That is truly my basic desire...I want to be the cream in her coffee, the top of the rock. Does that make me a service top? Does it make more of a bottom?

My favorite play partner can't play any more. She is in a relationship now and she thinks it would be "cheating" to play now. When I suggested that I was sad and missed our bondage sessions, seeing the supple white rope against her skin, and that it didn't have to end in fucking, she said, "I just don't think that would work for me. I wouldn't be able to resist the urge to fuck." I understand. I don't think I disappointed her much but now I am the one who finds herself wanting more.

piggy slut/monkey slut

I think about sex constantly. I believe I was born a gay man and ended up a lesbian.
I love women. I like men. I could have ended up a bisexual and still consider it.
I loved having sex with men (at least the fucking part). Sex with gay men was a thrill and easy. I never had to worry about complicated good-byes or them falling in love or me falling for them.

Sex now is more complicated but I still desire it just as much. I have oral herpes which sucks if you are a lesbian but it's not the end of the world. I still like to fuck like a monkey and get fucked like a little piggy.

I am weaving it all in. I chat online anonymously and have phone sex with men. I fuck myself and vibrate myself til I can't do it anymore. I have casual sex with women I date and I fall for one or two along the way. I want my heart to be full too.

About three years ago I started playing with rope. It all started when I saw a woman tied up on top of piano about five years ago. The image stayed with me. At the time, I didn't know if I wanted to do the tying for be tied, but I know now that I prefer to do the tying. It makes me feel powerful and sexy. I could just stop after the girl is bound and just look at her and masturbate and be happy. Yet, somehow, they all want to be fucked. I oblige (such hardship for me).

I want more too. I want rough hard sex, submissive humiliation and domination, I want to meet someone else who enjoys it as much as I do and share that feeling. It's hard to switch but surely there has to be another monkey pig like me.